Darker than BLACK: Getsumen no Ushiro (behind the moon)
by Der Sensenmann
Summary: Hei and Yin have escaped the syndicate, the CIA, Section 3, and even the grip of the fearsome entity Izanami. However their demons have followed them. Plagued by guilt and self-hate they stand alone with a new foe, their minds. However they may be less alone then they think. With a new gift and a returning old one to the protagonists, they face their greatest challenge, redemption.
1. Principium

_"I hate the word doll. It's such a useless phrase. Objectifying something as little more than a child's toy. A prop, made for others enjoyment, but designed to feel none of its own. It's a cruel existence, an orderly, manipulated, cruel existence._

_As I gaze down on her face, I hope for a sweeter meaning. Something of her fragility, her beauty, her stillness…_

_No._

_She has never been a doll to me…_

_She is so much more than that."_

She still stayed in the water an awful lot. Although her spectre had not appeared for months. _Is she looking for her spectre?_ Hei wondered. He wouldn't know, for he wouldn't ask. She was rarely so tranquil these days. He didn't want to disturb her inner peace, which he had recognized as being so fragile.

Yin had been racked with guilt since her awakening at Hell's Gate so many months ago. She had never shown a great deal of emotion, making her upset all the more surprising and painful. Yin would often cry herself to sleep when she thought Hei to be dormant. When she had finally fallen asleep Hei would exit their cabin, and struggle with his own tears.

It was a terrible sound. Yin sounded broken when she wept. Wounded, like a small animal. Desperate for shelter and terrified to be heard. Hei had tried to bring it up once, but Yin wouldn't speak of it. Her time with Izanami was a mystery to him as well. He felt the secrets lie between them, an estrangement. Hei was not scared of many things. He had fought many men and contractors, and killed most he fought. He had been beaten, imprisoned, tortured, burnt, frozen, teleported, and taken outside of space and time, but nothing could ever scare him more than the thought of losing Yin, especially out of his own cowardice. Hei stood up, walked towards Yin, and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I think we'd better get some rest." He said. "Yes." Yin replied. She left the water with him, and they both walked away from the riverbank towards their cabin.

Inside the cabin, Yin sat alone. It was intensely quiet, with not a sound but that of her silken tears gently dropping into the fabric of her dress, and her occasional quiet sob. A breeze from the window sent a chill through her. Yin got up from the bed, and walked towards the door. Unseeing, she tripped over a loose floorboard and fell. _Clumsy, useless, you can't take care of yourself, you're just a burden on him_ Yin thought to herself. She propped herself up on her forearms. The tears came stronger now. '_Shut up! He'll hear you! You know he has more important things to do than babysit you!_ Yin thought, and these thoughts were true. Hei had to worry about gathering food and water, keeping watch for anyone after them, and most everything else. _I do nothing, I'm useless,_ she couldn't hold the sobs back any longer. She let them go, and wept.

Hei stood outside the door, listening to Yin's quiet sobs inside. He cursed himself for his inability to help. The sobbing suddenly grew louder, and it took all He's willpower not to storm the room and embrace Yin. To just hold her and let her sob into his shoulder. He felt tears begin to stream down his own cheek. He had not felt this powerless since Izanami had taken control of Yin. It might as well have never left her, she was still trapped within herself. _What kind of idea is that? Are not grateful for her escape?_' Hei thought to himself. He was grateful, but maybe he hadn't liberated her, _something as perfect as her, might not be able to live in a world like this, maybe Izanami could have made her happier than I can_, he wondered. He heard the doorknob turn, and he hastily wiped away his tears.

Yin emerged from the doorway and wrapped her arms around Hei. She had stopped sobbing, but her eyes were still red and puffy. She nestled into him, and Hei took her hands and held them. He looked into the sky, looking through the various stars. Occasionally falling, signaling the death of a contractor. He searched for ones he knew. Mao's, Suou's, his own. He suddenly thought back to Tokyo, he thought of Huang, and Misaki, Gai and Kiko, his old landlord Misuzu, and all the others. _I don't know if I would say I miss Tokyo, but it certainly did have upsides_. Hei turned to face Yin, looking directly into her pale purple eyes.

"Yin? Did you like Tokyo?" Hei asked. Yin thought about it. "No, you were always away. With other people…" Yin trailed off.

This took Hei by surprise, it had not occurred to him that Yin would be jealous. This brought a faint smile to his face.

"Did you like Tokyo?" Yin asked. Hei looked down at her, "I'm not sure."

He ran a hand through her silver hair, stroked her cheek, and pulled her close. The way the moonlight flowed through her hair was one of the most beautiful sights Hei knew.

"I love you." The words were hardly a breath passing his lips. _Was that out loud!?_ Hei wondered to himself, slightly frantic. He looked down at Yin, but she appeared not to hear him. As a matter of fact, she was sleeping. Hei picked her up and carried her back inside the cabin. He then set her down in her bed, and proceeded to enter his. His head was spinning, with thoughts of Tokyo, thoughts of Yin, and worries of his Freudian slip. All this eventually blurred however, and he found himself drifting off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Yin awoke to the usual smell of venison and eggs. She sat up and looked over to the small kitchen of the cabin. As expected, Hei was busying himself with their breakfast. She walked up behind him and watched. She loved to watch him cook. Hei's hands moved in a frenzy. Chopping, sorting, flipping, Yin drank it all in. A sudden, impulsive idea came over her.

"Hei?'" He stopped and turned. "What?"

"Can I help?" Yin asked.

Hei looked pleasantly surprised. "Do you know how?" He inquired.

"I've watched you, I can do it." she responded.

"Ok, if your sure." he handed her the utensils and stepped back. Yin was far slower than Hei, but in a careful way. Hei smiled, it was nice to see her do any normal things on her own. She had done a good deal of individualistic things since the incident with the gang member and the doll back in Tokyo, and Hei treasured all of them. It was sort of like watching a child grow up.

Yin cooked meticulously, but not too slowly. Quite used to the shadows of what was what, and where they'd go. She stepped back when it was done, and Hei set it up for consumption. They ate in silence, but it was not uncomfortable, it was a satisfied silence, content with the lack of conversation. It's not as if either of them were particularly talkative anyways.

After they ate, Hei left to hunt for that night and the morrow's meals. It killed him to leave Yin alone, although he always left her on of his knifes and his coat, Hei would still be terribly worried until he walked back in the doorway. As he walked out the door, he turned to receive Yin's embrace. "Be safe" she whispered into his ear. "Be safer" He whispered back. And he walked off into the cold forest.

Yin sat on the bed, a sudden light flashed across her unseeing eyes. She grabbed Hei's knife and stood up, ready to lash out. "Who's there?" she called. Another flash of light. Yin started panicking. "Who's there!?" she called again, louder this time. The brightest flash yet struck her vision, and she fell backwards, her head colliding with the bed frame. Yin felt the warmth of blood and the back of her head, then the pain. She cried out, the flash of light was still burned into her retinas and the pain was unbearable to her. Slowly, Yin felt her consciousness ebb away.


	2. Aliud videre, aut non videre

The wind flying by, the rustling of leaves, the cracking of branches. All of these were thunder in Hei's ears as he dove from tree to tree like a chimp, in hot pursuit of a lone deer. _Hopefully since it's cooler now, this one will rot slower, _Hei had but a glimpse of a thought, then the adrenaline drowned out such trivial matters. The deer looked up and saw him. It's eyes filled with terror, and it sprinted even faster. It was no use, however. Hei's cable wrapped around its throat. There was a sickening snap, as the deer's own momentum against the cable broke it's neck. He winced at the sound. _At least it's not men anymore, _He had always told himself this when hunting. It took the edge off.

Few knew that the infamous Black Reaper hated killing, although he had killed so many. Men, women, even a handful of children. No to mention... _No! Don't think of that! Never! _Hei forced the thought out of his mind, it was too painful. Traces of it still reverberated through his mind. Trying to stop the thought was akin to trying to talk over your own voice, echoing through a canyon. It was as difficult as trying to remove your own shadow with a flashlight. He would never really forget it. It was a tumor in his brain. _Your ok now, you have Yin. Maybe even one day, you could... __Could... _"Could what?" Hei startled himself as he spoke aloud. "What could I do. Something so unique can't be replaced." _Get your mind off of it! You need to stay sane! _

It was true, even if Yin had learned to cook, it was still mostly his responsibility to sustain them. He walked over to the deer, unsheathed his knife, and made to slit the deer's throat. Just in case. He heard a sudden snarl behind him, and quickly turned to see a wolf pack a couple of yards away, eyeing the corpse of the deer. Hei made a quick calculation, _Damn! Too many to risk it. _The pack charged. Hei jumped to his feet, shot his cable into the trees, and hoisted himself away.

_Damn, damn damn! _Hei cursed himself and his bad luck. _I'm going to be late tonight, I hope Yin doesn't worry too much, God knows I will._ Hei continued monkey like jumps from tree to tree, seeking to put distance between himself and the wolf pack. He must have gone half a mile when he stopped to survey his surroundings. He had actually had landed himself near he and Yin's cabin. He smiled, but then a sudden panic overtook him. He looked around frantically, to see if the wolf pack had followed him. Satisfied that they hadn't, Hei turned again to the cabin. He yearned to enter it, to see Yin, but he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to leave. "Later, I promise." He whispered to the breeze, as if the silver-haired doll within could hear him. Hei forced himself to finally look away, and continued his hunt.

* * *

**Tokyo, Just outside Hell's Gate, One year ago**

_"Where do we go from here?" Yin asked, still in his arms. "Away, far away, from all of this." Hei's tone was that of exhaustion, but satisfaction. Yin nestled against him, shivering. "We should get you some clothes." Hei said, very fixedly _not _looking at Yin's naked form. "Here." He carefully set Yin on the ground, then removed his coat and boots, and offered them to Yin. Yin put them on, and put her hand out for Hei. He took it, and they continued on their way. "_

_I knew you'd come." Yin said after a long silence. "I made a promise, I won't leave you alone Yin." Hei's face was stone, but Yin sensed the pain in his voice. There was another pause. _

_"What happened? While I was..." Yin shuddered, "...away." She looked at Hei, her unseeing gaze piercing beyond his hardened expression. "It's a long story." Hei replied. _

_"Tell me."_

_And so Hei began to tell her, from his drunken days mourning her, to his battle with the MI-6 agent April. His first encounters with Suou, and how he lost his power. He told her how he reunited with Mao, and how he watched Suou's friend die. How he also found agent July, and decided to train Suou. He left nothing out, not how he hit Suou, or his drinking. Yin knew the shame in his voice. She heard his wounded pride. She clung to him, _other people do that to comfort the ones they love, it should work on Hei too_, she thought. _

_Hei felt a tug on his arm, and turned to see that Yin had stopped, and was hanging her head solemnly. Puzzled, Hei approached her, and gently lifted her chin. She was crying. "I'm so sorry, Hei, I'm so sorry, Hei, I'm so sorry..." She kept repeating. Hei embraced her, and she cried into his shoulder. Hei just held her, he didn't know what else he could do._

**Two days later**

Wow, she looks pretty even when she's sick,_ Hei's thoughts were blessedly peaceful for once. _She hasn't bathed or slept since we left Hell's Gate, and she's got a bad cold, but nonetheless she is still beautiful. _Yin noticed his gaze, "What?" Hei averted his eyes, "Nothing, sorry." She laid back down on the small bunk. They were on a train in Russia, headed North. Then they'd go East, all the way into Alaska, into America. Hei wasn't thrilled with the idea, given his history with the CIA, but that history gave them an advantage. He knew a disgruntled operative who'd let them in, for a price of course. _

_"Achoo!" Hei's thought was again interrupted by Yin's cold. He smiled and looked down at her, still laying in the bed, as a corpse lies in a coffin. Not a picture Hei ever wanted to see. He pushed the image out of his mind and kneeled beside Yin's bunk. "How do you feel?" _

_Yin gazed at him, "Fine." Her expression turned suddenly sorrowful. She raised a hand and stroked Hei's cheek. "I wish I could see you Hei. With my eyes." A single tear ran down her cheek. Hei took her hand and held it with both of his. Once again Hei found himself at a loss for words, or anything to comfort Yin. A creeping thought began to emerge within him. _You're powerless, _it said, _You're a killer and that's all, you can't save anyone, you couldn't save Chiaki, or Havoc, could you? No, you're useless. You couldn't even save Yin FROM YOURSELF! _The last syllables were a scream in his mind and echoed through him. _

_"Ow." Yin's voice brought Hei back to reality. "What?" Hei realized his hands had clamped down on Yin's. He stumbled back, an apology spilling out of his mouth. "I... I... I'm sorry I didn't... I mean I wasn't" "It's ok." Yin cut him off. "You need some sleep Hei." She was right, although he preferred keeping watch. In any case, he was a light sleeper..._

* * *

**Present day**

Hei sat perched like a bird of prey in a branch twelve feet above his target, a large buck. Slowly and quietly he unsheathed his knife, and threw it into the bucks neck. Instinctively Hei sent down an electric shock to finish it off.

_Wait... An electric shock? But I... They were gone! _

Hei looked at his hands, now static, with puzzlement and joy. It took all his willpower not to zap every leaf of the tree he was on. Content with this development, Hei jumped from the branch to collect his kill, and began walking towards the cabin to tell Yin the good news. It was later than usual, Yin was probably worried by now. Hei was himself quite concerned for her well-being at this point. There were occasionally hunters round here, Americans ones too. Hei cringed. He didn't like the thought of an American hunter sneaking into his cabin with a blind girl who was unlikely to put up much of a fight.

_You really are screwing yourself over with your thoughts today, _Hei thought too himself. Focus was useful, but occasionally he wished for the ability to move on from certain thoughts faster. Such was his nature, however, to dwell on things. Hei was not known to be forgiving or forgetting, but then again, he was also mostly known to be a murderer.

_Murderer._

He hated that term, so black and white. Who were they to say what he was? They had no idea of his intentions, his goals, his needs. They themselves killed as well, but of course they were exempt because they obeyed their 'laws" and "moralities" Hypocrites.

_Murderer, killer, sociopath, Black Reaper. That's what they call you after all. Whose to say you're so innocent? The men in those agencies have killed maybe ten each. Whereas you, ah you Black Reaper, the blood of hundreds is on your hands. How can you live with yourself? Especially after you abandoned her..._

"Enough!" Hei snapped!, tearing a knife out of its sheath and throwing it toward a tree with such force that the knife passes through it. Hei dropped to his knees and retracted the knifes cable, sheathing it. His breath was heavy and almost painful after it had so suddenly exploded from his chest. Hei looked up, and swore he saw Yin in the distance. But something about it was different... as if... _No, you've been talking to yourself too much, and you miss Yin. You'd better head back. _

_That was dangerous back there, I can't just explode like that. If that happened around Yin, she might get hurt. _Hei shuddered at the thought. He was a failure to protect her, no need to start being the direct source of her pain again. _I say that as if I ever stopped being it._ Hei sighed, and tried to examine the bright side. The hunt was a success, albeit delayed. He had regained his powers for one, which was quite the miracle. And most importantly, as the cabin came into view, he was home.

Hei went around to the back of the cabin to deposit the buck in a small shed built for skinning and gutting and the like. After doing so, he returned to the front of the cabin and unlocked the door. "Hello Yin, I'm-" Hei stopped mid-sentence, in shock.

Yin was lying on the floor, unconscious (Hei prayed not dead), and surrounded by what appeared to be a pool of her own semi dried blood. Hei ran to her side and picked her up from the floor. There was a gash on the back of her head, and her hair was stained with blood. Hei looked around for the cause. He saw no evidence of an intruder, or any other foul play. He looked at the bed frame nearest where Yin had been lying. It was chipped and stained with blood. _She fell? _The idea struck Hei as very odd. Yin was blind yes, but very seldom clumsy, even after the disappearance of her spectre. _Hmmm... something must've caused her to fall._ But Hei hadn't a clue what would've done it.

"Mmph." Yin was waking up, her eyes fluttered open, and darted around, before focusing on Hei.

"I can see you Hei." Yin's voice was hardly a whisper.

"Huh?" Hei had heard her, but was perplexed. "You've seen me before. With you're spectre."

Yin smiled, "I can see you Hei, with my eyes." Before Hei could respond Yin took hold of him and kissed him. It might have been his imagination, but Hei swore he felt a tingle of static flow through their lips.


	3. Memoria, Salvatoris, Mendax, Cruciamen

**Yakutsk, Siberia, several months ago**

_Escaping to the East had proven far more difficult than Hei anticipated. Yin had been very badly ill, and they had encountered a small ex-syndicate gang back in Kornsomol'sk. They still had a ways to go, they were miles from Magadan, where Hei's acquaintance was waiting. _

_The wait was torture for Hei, he hated doing nothing. While in any of his past ventures, he rarely had the time to reflect, now he had time to kill, and it was killing him. Thoughts of his failures ran rampant throughout his mind, like wild dogs, searching for scraps of sanity to devour. Hei buried his head in his hands. _I can't lose it here, I've gone through too much just to go insane on the way to freedom!_ Hei tried to regain control of his thoughts. He examined his surroundings, hoping to take his mind off himself. _

_He was on a balcony, overlooking a small patch of woods. Behind him was the Inn where he and Yin were staying. It was a rather uneventful place. There were few residents. It was good place to lie low for a couple of days. Hei had wanted to kep moving, but Yin as still recovering, and after their run from the syndicate thugs he didn't want to push Yin any further. It was very isolated now, silent. The silence made Hei paranoid. Every bird in the trees was a man running, every broken branch the cocking of a gun. Silence lay on the on the town like the ice and snow, cold and oppressive. It crept under his skin, it was unnerving, especially in his current state. Hei began to shiver, whether from the cold or his unsettling he wasn't sure. He turned an reentered he and Yin's room. _

* * *

**Present day**

They had walked through the forest for what must have been hours. Hei was tired and cold, but he had little intention of heading back to the cabin anytime soon. Yin was walking through the trees like a young child through a toy store. Her eyes alight with wonder as she gazed at every last branch of every tree. "It's so beautiful." she exclaimed at every new sight. Hei couldn't help but smile, he had seldom seen her this happy. It made him, for once, content. For today the world was her oyster. _I wish I could make her this happy,_ Hei's smile faded. _How did this even happen? _His disappointment now replaced by curiosity, Hei sat down to think.

_"It's not so hard you know,"_ Hei stood up with a jolt and looked around for the source of the voice. _"You can't find me like that, I'm a part of you." _Hei felt the crackling of electricity in his palm, _"Do you like it? Think of it as my gift." _the voice sounded eerily familiar, yet somehow Hei knew he hadn't heard it before. _"Yes you do know me, after all, you created me." _Hei dropped to his knees, his head in his hands. _Oh please God no, not this again, please, it was a long time ago I wasn't my fault, she forgave me! No!_ The thoughts revolved around his head dizzyingly simply sat in the frost encrusted grass, shivering.

Yin hadn't noticed Hei's distress, and continued to marvel at the beauty of he forest and the night sky. She looked in awe of it all. It was all so very beautiful, the sights of her spectre could never compare to this. Yin often forget to blink while admiring the woods, and her eyes would water and burn, but she didn't care. She was completely untethered by such trivial matters, all that mattered was the world around her. _I wish I could show all this to Hei, I know he's seen it all before, but maybe I can help him see what I see._ Yin looked around, Hei was nowhere to be found.

The darkness closed around her, suddenly the stars didn't seem bright enough to illuminate the forest. Yin sat down next to a tree and curled into a fetal position. It was cold, it was dark, and she was alone. It was as if she was blind again. Yin felt the fear rise in her throat. She was alone, the darkness was enclosing around her. Her eyes were useless now, and it felt like she was suffocating in the blackness. Yin wanted to scream but couldn't find the air, her vision began to blur. She couldn't take it anymore. Yin stood up, and bolted into the night.

Trees rushed past her and the occasional branch flew into her face, but Yin would not stop. Panic had control over her, an iron grip that no logic could break. Yin just knew she could not stay in the dark alone. Every patch of darkness seemed to have eyes that followed her. Yin's eyes began to tear from the wind and cold. She was blinded and couldn't see as a large low-lying branch struck her in the face. She fell backward, shocked and in pain. The noise echoed throughout the forest. As it did, a new noise made itself known, an animals growl. Yin looked up, sure enough, a small pack of wolves stood not but a few feet from her. The wolf that appeared to be the alpha began walking toward Yin, teeth bared and growling. Yin backed up against the tree, she knew she couldn't outrun them. "Hei." Yin tried to call out, but she couldn't bring herself to, it just wasn't within her. Yin began to sob at the hopelessness of the situation.

The wolf was almost on top of her, poised to bite her neck. Without warning, a sudden series of spasms surged through the wolf, it then fell, and lay still. Yin looked around, recognizing Hei's ability. She was hesitant, however, as she remembered that he had lost his power the year before. This thought flew from her mind as Hei swung down and grabbed her. Too exhausted to process relief, Yin fainted in his arms.

* * *

Yin awoke the next morning with a terrible headache, she rose from the small mattress and put a hand to her temples. She was surprised to find cloth wrapped around it. _Looks like Hei patched me up. _Yin looked around for him, and as usual, he was in the kitchen. Hei seemed to notice her awakening and walked over to her bedside. "Please rest some Yin, you took some bad blows to your head yesterday, I don't want you to hurt yourself more." Hei smiled, but his eyes gave away worry. He put a hand to her cheek, and kissed her forehead gently, just below the bandages.

As usual, despite the drastic events of the day before, Yin and Hei ate their breakfast, Hei left to hunt, and Yin stayed inside. She was accustomed to this, but was unaccustomed to the new feeling beginning to coincide with it. Boredom. Even with her new eyesight, there was only so much to look at and experience inside the cabin. It was pretty in a rustic sort of way, but it was bare. There was a small stove and counter in the "kitchen", two mattresses on one end of the room, a table on the other, a closet, and a bathroom...

_There's a mirror in the bathroom, _Yin suddenly thought, _Somehow I still haven't really seen my own reflection. _It was simultaneously amusing and frightening. _What if I'm ugly? What will I do? _Yin had almost liked the anonymity in regards to herself. It was a fun little mystery, she knew she was thin and not terribly tall, the detectives assistant in Tokyo had even called her cute. Yin's hands were shaking, _maybe I should just wait till Hei comes back and ask him, _Yin thought, _Really? Your going to burden Hei with something so stupid and superficial? Just toughen up and look in the mirror, or are you really that helpless? _Yin hid her face in her hands and felt her eyes tear up. _Yes, I am that helpless. I don't what I'd do.. I just... _Yin resigned herself to the idea. And slowly walked toward the bathroom.

Yin kept her head down till she was at the sink, directly in front of the mirror. If it had felt like years walking there, it felt like an eternity raising her head. And looking into her own eyes.

Yin felt her heart sink, slowly falling, and breaking on the stone floor of her reality. _Ugly, _The word reverberated through her brain, _ ugly, you're ugly. You look like a freak mix of an old lady and a toddler. _"No, no, no, no, no!" Yin kept repeating the word, hoping to somehow blot out what she saw. _It just can't be real. _Yin felt another new feeling enter, more than disappointment, more than heartbreak. Rage. Hate. Yin drew her hand back and balled it into a fist. The mirror cracked and shattered when she struck it, she fell to her knees among the shards. _I don't deserve Hei. _Yin began to cry into the folds of her dress. _You make it sound like you have him. _Yin's thoughts mocked. _But he hugs me, he tells me he misses me, we even kissed, _the thought seemed to come from somewhere childlike within her. _You force yourself on him, he just complies because he's too polite to say no. _Yin's crying turned to sobbing.

Yin had lived in a city for a long time, and had been witness to many ways some dealt with pain. With a twisted curiosity, she picked up a shard of glass. All feeling left her. She didn't care for the pain. She didn't care for the scars. She didn't care for the blood running down her wrists.


	4. Vetus et Novum

**Authors note: **

**I've become increasingly aware of a lot of small spelling and grammar errors are evading my attention. I'm sorry for the unprofessionalism, I'll try to catch them in future, but I've had a lot of technical problems and personal ones affecting my focus. Thanks for reading despite this. And I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**-Der Sensenmann**

* * *

The snow had begun to fall heavily around Hei now, covering his footprints as he walked. The forest was losing it's green sprinkled with sliver and becoming white as a page. He shivered from the growing cold of the snow, and shook it off as it collected on is shoulders, there was already enough weight upon them. The voice seemed to still be whispering to him. _"Yes you do know me, after all, you created me."_ Hei clenched his head, as if t contain the scrambling thoughts within. The voice was so familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on who it belonged to. _Maybe that's what he would've sounded like if he had... _He stopped himself. _I have to get control of my own mind back. _Hei rubbed his eyes, as if clearing his vision would, in turn, clear his mind.

_I wonder how she is now, I haven't even spoken to her in... must be four or five years now. _Hei reminisced for a moment, before remembering why he hadn't done just that. _She probably still hates me. No, she absolutely still hates me, even if she said she forgave and I can't blame her. I do too. _Her scream began rising in is brain again, as it always did when he thought of her, and him. The scream when she found out what he had done. When she saw the syndicate members. When she saw the needle. When she turned to him, and he did nothing.

* * *

**Nanchang, China, Six years years ago**

_"It's nice to see you here again Hei, it's been years, and after all that time you were away and then Argentina and Tokyo, I wasn't even sure you were still alive." Hei simply watched her lips as she spoke, entranced. They were sitting on a bench overlooking the beach in Zhouxizhen. The moon glistened over the water, with a small amount of light reflecting off, encasing the two I a small silvery glow. _

_She rested her head in the crook of his neck, and her golden hair cascaded around is shoulder. "It's still hard to believe we made it this far. I haven't stayed in one place this long since before me and Bai left." Hei rested his head on hers. She took his hand in hers, and squeezed it gently. "I miss her too." A tear slid down Hei's cheek. "No, no." She got off his shoulder and faced him, tears in her own eyes. "No tears. Your still a big brother, Bai will always be with us, and we can't-" she couldn't keep back the sobs. They both began to cry, and clung to each other for comfort._

_They must have clung to each other for an eternity, when they both stopped crying, she got up. "It's late, we should probably get going." She pointed off to the left. "Your apartment's there right?" "Yes." Hei responded. "Would you mind if I walked you there?" Hei smiled. "No." He stood up, took her hand, and they proceeded down the street in the direction of his apartment building._

_When they reached the door, Hei said goodnight to her and dug a hand into his pocket for his keys. But as he turned and did so, he caught a glimpse of her face, it was... sad. No... disappointed. Hei took a deep breath and turned to her as she walked away. "Hey..." Hei felt his heart race, and seemingly all his blood enter his face. "... Would you like to come in?" She smiled, "Yes." Hei smiled in relief, although his face retained it's redness. "Would you mind staying a while?" Her smile grew. "No." She walked back to him, and they both entered the apartment. _

* * *

**Present day, Alaska**

Hei would often debate within himself whether he missed her or not. But in the end he always came to same answer, _I don't know._ It was _Him _that he missed, there was no question of that. He had no one else to blame, though, for either of them. He couldn't even blame the syndicate. It was all his fault, the fault of his fear, of his cowardice. There was no way he could ever go back to that place, to her, and to hi, to just be together again.

_But then... why would I want to? _Hei wondered. _I have it all here. All I have to do is take hold of it. _Hei stood from the tree he had leaned on. They had enough food for him to skip today, and he wanted to spend the day with Yin. Just to be with her. Just to spend time, just to be there for once. Hei smiled, and walked back toward the cabin.

The woods around him seemed to endorse his decision, the snow was falling more lightly now. Fast enough to haze the distance, but slow enough to few each flake as they floated down. A few birds chirped in the distance, but not too many as to make the forest seem crowded. The balanced atmosphere and Hei's unusually good mood made his surroundings feel surreal. The snow seemed to lift his boots off the ground, and carry him forward.

He began to notice a figure in the haze. _Is that Yin? _No, couldn't have been, the figure's hair was much shorter. Hei swore he'd seen it, or most likely him, before. The figure then seemed to vanish. Had it been his imagination? Perhaps, but Hei didn't trust this. He unsheathed one of his knives and donned his mask. The previously surreal air was now tense, and the haze of snow acted as a fog of war. Hei felt his body tense up, prepared for battle. As he approached the cabin, he saw someone standing inside. He couldn't see through the frost of the window, but it clearly wasn't Yin.

Hei felt a sense of panic wash over him. _I have to get in there, I have to protect Yin! _He charged the door and burst into the cabin, knives drawn. The unknown turned to him. He/she was wearing one of his masks and coats, as well as carrying two of his knives. It was like looking into a reflection, except that his doppelganger seemed slightly shorter, and thinner, almost slender shaped. _It's a she I think, but who? _Hei had little time to dwell on this before his assailant swung at him.

Hei dodged the strike and returned with two of his own, the first dodged and the second caught on the blade in his attackers left hand. Hei lashed out with his free blade, causing her to step back, and freeing his other blade. Hei backed out through the door, he didn't want Yin caught in the middle of he fight. As he had hoped, his foe stepped out with him. She was fast, but she also seemed tired. If she had tracked them here, she would be. There was no shelter for miles, the forest was to thick to land aircraft in, there was a lake on one side, too rocky to boat through ad too cold and wide to swim through, and on the other side there was a chasm, crossable only if you could fly (or in Hei's case, swing) across.

However she had crossed, though, she was here, and tired or not she was skilled. They continued to slash and kick furiously at one another. Hei managed to land a blow to her shin, causing her to topple onto the ground. Hei made to drive the hilt of his knife to her head to knock her unconscious, but she rolled quickly out of the way. She struck out at Hei's feet, taking them out from under him. He let out a grunt as his back hit the ground and his antagonist seemed to hesitate. He took the opportunity and slammed his fist into his combatant's face, cracking her mask. She groaned and stumbled backwards. Hei moved in to drive his foot to her head next, but she threw a knife directly towards his own face. Hei barely managed do dodge to the side, but he felt the knife cut straight through his mask. It fell to the ground I pieces, useless. His attacker gasped, "Hei!" she called out. She and dropped her knives ran toward him, seemingly to embrace him. Hei landed his fist right in the middle of her mask. The mask shattered and she was thrown backwards. Hei stood over her and looked at her exposed face. He felt all the blood leave his face.

It was Bai.

* * *

Hei knelt down and embraced her. They both started to stammer out apologies, then just smiled. The siblings stood up, "How are you... here?" Hei asked. Bai looked sullen, "I'm not sure. I woke up somewhere in Russia about a year ago. I've been trying to find you ever since." "I lost my powers in Russia. Maybe we were separated." Hei pondered. "You lost your powers!?' Bai looked alarmed. "It's a long story." Hei looked toward to doorway of the cabin. Yin was standing there looking back at him, a longing expression in here eyes. Hei felt a tug in his chest, and he resisted the urge to run to Yin and hold her. "Come inside, I'll explain everything we know." Hei said. He walked to the cabin and embraced Yin. Bai smiled. _Finally with those two. _They proceeded to enter the cabin. Hei sat on his bed and Yin curled up on his lap like a cat. Bai sat on Yin's bed across from him, and listened as he recounted everything, with the occasional input from Yin. Bai smiled, it was good to be home.


	5. Relictis

**Authors note:**

**Once again I apologize for a number of things. First for my late uploading again. Second for the grammatical errors I'm sure I'll miss in this chapter. Third, and most of all, for my lack of interaction with my readers. If you don't know yet, I'm a complete noob here, on this site and on the internet community in general. Frankly, I'm shy here, but I'll try to get more involved when someone writes a review or something. Speaking of which, I think a thank you is in order for over 200 views! You guys are all awesome!**

**P.S. I do not own Darker than Black. I'm just mooching off how goddamn cool it is. **

* * *

Yin nestled gently against Hei's chest as he spoke with Bai, feeling it move as he spoke. She leaned her ear against him and heard his heartbeat. _So close, so close_. A small part of yin wanted Bai to leave, Hei was hers, and hers alone. _How selfish of you, that's his sister! The one he was looking for the entire time you were in Tokyo? Ring a damn bell? _Yin cursed herself for the thought. But nonetheless, she wanted his attention on her. Her wrists still hurt, it was as if all her shame was burning in them. It felt as if they were crying for Hei's attention. _But he mustn't know how weak I am. _She noticed the cabin go suddenly quieter, and turned to Bai to see why.

Bai was hanging her head, her brown hair falling to cover her face. "I still don't understand how any of this happened. Your presence makes this all the more confusing." Hei said softly. "I lost my powers, and you were no longer merged with me, yes that seems to make sense. But how do I have them now if you're here?" Bai cut in abruptly. "Because I'm a forfeiter. The part of me that gave me power, the Lancelnoptchrotonic energy, it's inside you." Bai sounded defeated, as if saying her humanity aloud made her weakened. "I thought it was destroyed in Russia, though. How do I have powers now?" Hei sounded just as confused as he had been before. Bai's voice was a whisper, "I don't know, the only force strong enough to restore power to a contractor is a gate, and the closest gate is over three thousand miles away. I don't get it." The two siblings went quiet again.

The three of them had dinner in silence. A confortable silence, a content silence. There were no words, but it all seemed to say that it was going to be okay. Somehow, despite the shroud of mystery around them, thick as the snow falling outside, it was going to be alright.

After they ate, they dealt with sleeping arrangements. There were only two beds. Yin stood to the side, waiting for the others to decide. "I'm fine with sleeping on the floor, there's no trouble." Hei said. Yin smiled to herself, Hei was such a gentleman at times. Bai shook her head. "No you need a bed to sleep in, you need your rest. You and Yin can just share a bed." Hei's face went bright red, even Yin's cheeks were slightly pink. Bai laughed at her brother's discomfort. "It's settled then." Hei opened his mouth to protest, but Bai didn't stop, "Just don't do anything you two. Remember I'm right next to you, and I'd prefer not being woken up."

Hei tried to object but wasn't coherent enough to form an argument. Bai looked over to Yin, "Are you ok with sleeping with this brute Yin?" Yin looked at Hei blankly. "Yes." "There it is then." Hei's face was still red as he laid down on the outermost edge of the bed, almost falling off. Yin laid down facing him. When she was sure he was asleep, she took his arm and pulled him to her, and then wrapped her arms around his abdomen, feeling his muscles underneath her hands. She felt a warmth creeping into her chest. Yin was surprised, she had felt this feeling only a few times before. Back in Hong Kong, when Hei had held her, and kept her safe. Then again, more recently, when she had kissed him. Yin pulled him even closer, pressing herself against him. "I love you." she whispered. It had fallen on deaf ears, but she was afraid of anything else.

* * *

The next morning, Yin awoke alone. Disappointed, she looked towards the kitchen, hoping to see Hei cooking. He was standing there, with a bag slung over his shoulder, talking to Bai. _Is he leaving!?_ Yin felt panicked. She got out of bed and walked towards him. Hei turned and smiled, "Look who's up." Bai turned too. "Hey Yin, we've been talking and we decided it isn't safe here, since I was able to find you." Hei continued her point. "Yeah, we're going to go down south, to California. We're going to try to blend into the city." Yin considered this, _I've never been to an American city. _She found no objections however, as long as she was with Hei.

And so the trio set out. Hei took the lead, as he knew the way best. Bai walked beside him, and Yin trudged along behind. Looking at the two, Yin felt an unfamiliar feeling rise in her gut. It was like anger and... misery, but somehow neither. _Jealousy. _Yes that was it. _Selfish, selfish, selfish. That's his sister! _Yin remembered having the feeling before, but it seemed like ages ago. She remembered how Hei had looked at Chief Kirihara, and how he looked at Amber, and her lookalike in the hotel in Hong Kong. But of those, one was a rival police officer, one was an enemy, and the last was an unknown contractor. Bai was his sibling, it's not like anything like _that _would happen between them. Nonetheless Yin yearned for Hei to turn around and walk by her, holding her hand as they did in Hong Kong. She wanted so desperately for him to just turn around and pay attention to _her. _Hei was hers, he was supposed to be hers...

A single tear fell down her cheek. Yin hastily wiped it away. She couldn't let them see how weak she was, how insecure. Jealous of his sister, how pathetic of her. Yin felt the wounds on her wrists burn again. They had closed, and the shame was locked inside her again. She would have to let it out soon, but she didn't know where she would have the opportunity. _So goddamn weak! You can't even handle yourself, you don't deserve to be with them, even if you're just tagging along. _

Up ahead was the edge of the lake. A man in furs stood in a boat waiting for them. Bai stopped, a hand on the hilt of one of her knives. "It's ok, he's no threat, he owes me a favor. He'll ferry us across, there we have a big American car waiting for us." Hei reassured. Bai let go of her knife, but still seemed tense, ready to strike at any moment.

They continued walking till they reached the man. Once they all boarded Hei looked at the man and nodded. The man nodded back. He was middle-aged by the looks of him, black hair with a small tint of gray. Round sunglasses covered his eyes. Yin looked away from him and toward the churning water as the boat started and sped off away from their island. As with most things, Yin didn't know if she would miss it. It had been home, but it had also been Hell. Wherever Hei was, was home to her. She looked up at him, he was standing at the edge of the boat, watching their island fade into the distance. His long black waved in the wind, his unshaven chin was sprinkled with snow.

No one spoke during their trip to the other shores, it would've just been drowned out by the boat's anyway. When they finally reached the other shore, and walked onto the frozen beach, their driver sped off, leaving them alone there. Behind a nearby fence there was a dirt road, and on it an RV. They proceeded to board it. Hei removed a set of keys from his pocket and started the engine. "Wait." Hei turned to look at Yin. "What is it?" He asked. Yin didn't reply. She slowly walked out of the RV and toward the beach.

Hei ran out of the RV to see Yin barefoot in the freezing water. _Looking for her spectre still. _Hei walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry." Hei saw that Yin was crying. "It's gone, I have new eyes but I lost my old ones. I feel lost." Yin's voice was steady and quiet, despite the tears. Her silver hair blew softly in the wind, gently tickling his chest. Yin turned to him, teary eyed, and hugged him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for everything, it's all my fault." she cried and cried into his shoulder. `"It's not your fault, it's mine, and I couldn't save you." Hei felt tears running down his cheeks, cold as ice. He buried his face in her hair, and the two stood there for what felt like forever, in each other's arms.

Back at the RV, Bai was leaning on the side, watching the two... lovers? She didn't know what to call them. She felt a small tinge of jealousy seeing them together. She hadn't come this far just to share Hei with a doll, even if the doll was Yin. So what if she was special somehow, she was just a doll. In addition to that, a feeling of loneliness came over her. She had been a contractor, emotionless. There had been no time for such closeness with other individuals in her life. There had been no practicality. But as she watched how comfortable the two were in each other's embrace, she found herself longing for someone to embrace her. She needed someone in her life like that, a Yin just for her. But taller, and with darker hair maybe. Bai smiled at the thought. _Well you are going to California, chances are you might meet someone. _


	6. Iuvenescere

From the second Hei began driving the RV onto the road, Bai itched to leave it. Although she would never admit it to Hei or Yin, she hated being cooped up in a single place like this. It didn't help that Hei wasn't the best driver around. He became very nervous behind the wheel, never exceeding half the speed limit. unfortunately for her, though, the only other available drivers were a girl who had been blind for 21 years, and herself, who had been living inside Hei for over a decade and missed out on learning such things.

"How long do you think this will take?" Bai tried to hide the impatience in her voice, but Hei seemed to pick up on it nonetheless. "A couple of days, if I had to guess I'd say 3 or 4 days. Probably longer given our luck." Bai rolled her eyes, thankful that no one could see. Hei was too focused on the road, and Yin was staring out the window at the surrounding snow covered woods. Bai smiled, Yin really was so childlike sometimes. But then again, all of them were children inside. None of them truly ever had the chance to grow up, with all the things that had happened. The Gate had taken their childhood, but it had given them each other.

The Gate gives. The Gate takes.

But Bai couldn't help but smile at what The Gate had given. A strangely emotional doll, and her sap of a big brother. _A real strange group of people you've gotten yourself involved with here, _she thought to herself. She had spent the last few months with nothing but crooks, shady businessmen, and assorted ex-agents of various deceased organizations. It was nice to spend time with people who weren't going to try to kill her at any moment. For once, she felt herself relaxing. It had finally sunk in, she was among friends. Given their luck there very little chance that she was safe, but her position was... secure.

Unfortunately such security wasn't a feeling throughout the vehicle.

Yin gazed through the glass panes to the blur of green, brown, and white outside. She felt as the scenery looked. Everything was going far too fast. It was beautiful in a sense yes, but it was all a blur. There was no time to savor anything. And whenever these developments calmed down, and she felt safe to pursue something more with Hei, he crawled back into his shell. Hei had always been an introvert when it came to such feelings, not even the reunion with his sister could change that. She herself kept most inside and hidden, but she wanted to share these things with Hei. She wished she could at least talk to him, alone, explain everything she felt. To at least alleviate her guilt, but every time she attempted to do so, Hei would avoid the subject. _It isn't his fault, things haven't gone well for either of us in this walk of life. _Yin could admit, she knew little of Hei's past love life, but she did know it hadn't been the easiest. He had a childhood friend whom he had loved, before he left for Heaven's war with Bai. Then, he had let Amber dominate him.

Yin shuddered at the thought. The image of a scarcely clothed Hei being pushed down onto a cot by an equally exposed Amber sent chills down her spine, and stirred the heat of anger in her stomach. She ignored the fact that they had been so intimate, she forced the thoughts away. But it was still haunting her mind. Every time she let her guard down, the jealousy came back, and it drowned out any distractions she tried to provide. _He's not yours, he's been taken, he belongs to someone else. All you have done is kiss once, they have done so much more... _Her skin grew cold at these thoughts, her hands formed into fists.

"Yin? Are you okay?" Her discomfort had caught the attention of it's subject. His voice was a soothing reminder of the present, and that whatever happened to him before, happened then, and only then. "Yes." Was all she replied. It seemed to satisfy Hei's curiosity for the moment, and he turned back to the road. _This vehicle is too damn big! _He thought, he had driven cars before on few occasions, and wasn't particularly good at it. However, seeing as his travelling partners had even less experience, he was left the driver. It didn't enhance his skill at all. He had never liked driving. It seemed so trivial, yet any mistake was so consequential. Not to mention that the whole thing was just hard to wrap his head around. He could move his body precisely, because he felt it, it made sense. But all he could feel in the car was the wheel, which told him nothing. He couldn't feel it move, and it made every motion awkward. This would only lengthen the journey, which in turn would Bai more impatient, and Yin more anxious.

* * *

They spent at least five hours on the road before reaching one of the designated safe houses Hei had marked on their map. It was an old abandoned music store, left with rusting instruments and a dusty old grand piano. Inside, one of Hei's old connections had placed three cots and a couple of days worth of food inside. Cautious as always, Hei entered first, checking for any possible threats. This left Bai and Yin alone together in the RV, with a passive aggressive tension lingering in the air. It was clear neither woman wanted the other there, but neither would say or do a thing about it. Yin looked down at her boots, while Bai stared directly at the top of her downturned head. I believe the phrase, "If looks could kill," is an appropriate one here. The moment dragged on far too long, and each woman began to hate the others presence in those minutes. When rescue finally came in the form of Hei knocking on the door, the tension was almost at breaking point.

Bai burst through the door, cheering at being freed from her gasoline powered prison. Hei couldn't help but laugh aloud as his sister rejoiced in the snow. _She's still such a child! _He thought. He turned to smile at Yin, but she still remained in the RV. Noticing Hei's gaze, she turned to stare back. Her eyes held a look of solemn defeat. "Go play with your sister Hei." Hei was taken aback, but no response came to mind. He was left speechless until he felt a lump of snow hit his back. "When's the last time we could do this? Come on Shu!" Hei recoiled, both from the cold snow and the use of his real name. Yin smiled, "Shu, that name suits you." Hei blushed. "But... it's a girl's name." Yin shook her head. "No, it's _your _name." Hei remained flustered. "Go have fun, Hei." Yin took his hand to reassure him. "I'll see you in a bit." Hei said, before leaning in and planting a light kiss on Yin's cheek. As soon as he did, he exited the Rv, and took cover from his sisters frozen onslaught. Yin felt her cheek, as if Hei's lips had altered it somehow. They were hot and red as the blood rushed into her face.

"Shu." She smiled as she said his name aloud. Yin had always wanted to know Hei's real name, but never had the courage to ask. It was such a fitting name, filling in his other side, his _real _side, perfectly. Hei had never suited him. Hei was blackness, emptiness, the persona he wrapped around himself like his coat, to protect him from the outside world. Shu was gentle, kind. The caring side of Hei, no _Shu _ that she loved so much. Part of her regretted letting him go to be with his sister. She had wanted to pull him close and have him to herself, but she mustn't be selfish. His sister hadn't spent much time with her long-lost brother, and most of it had been on the road running from potential pursuers. Nonetheless, as Yin gazed out at the siblings playing in the snow, she yearned to take Shu back and leave Bai out in the snow. _I mustn't be selfish! I mustn't be selfish! _However, as many times she told herself this, Yin ached to be selfish.

Outside, an intense battle raged. Both ex-contractors used all their reflexes and strength in hurling the packed snow at each other, laughing like school children as they did so. Bai would throw a snowball at Hei, who would counter in midair with one of his own and send a return projectile. This would then be kicked off course by Bai, with a rebuttal of two more frozen missiles. Hei couldn't remember a time when he had simply had fun like this. It had been years at least. Even in his escape with Yin after the fall of the syndicate he had never truly let his guard down, and never really had _fun. _It was an old, dusty emotion within him. But it existed nonetheless, and leaped around in joy as much as he in Bai did in the snow. After what felt like months of siege, the two had each other at a stalemate. Both were hiding behind forts of snow, waiting for the other to pop up. "So, what's the deal with you and Yin?" Bai called from behind her fort. Thankful for the snow hiding his face, Hei called back, "We're just partners!" Bai laughed, "Well what does that mean? Are you partners in crime? Business partners? Bed partners? All of the above?" Hei's face was hot enough to melt the snow around him. "No! Nothing like that! Just... partners!" Having distracted him, Bai then charged toward his fort. Hei realized his mistake and returned fire. Such antics continued for some time until they had pinned each other again. Hei began to move into position for his own charge, when he felt a snowball hit him square in the face from his exposed before him was a figure in a puffy winter coat, with snowball in hand, and a twinkle in her pale purple eyes. Yin smiled, and lobbed another snowball at Hei, who was too stunned to react. For the first time in a long time, Yin laughed out loud.


End file.
